apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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