I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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