when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize