I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize