saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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