im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize