btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
where am i from again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize