Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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