I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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