I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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