A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize