she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize