Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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