PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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