Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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