I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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