i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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