I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize