Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize