Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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