Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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