So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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