At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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