just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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