I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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