well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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