I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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