Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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