We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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