You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize