i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize