id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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