Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize