mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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