I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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