God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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