He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
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I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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