do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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