I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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