What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize