will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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