I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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