how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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