So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
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Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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