she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize