why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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