is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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