he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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