Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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i now understand why vodka
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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