Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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